Hello Gekomyecho: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I noticed this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

Honestly I would have no idea what to tell you with regard to the experiences you've related here. I'm not a mental health professional. And I think this is all something you would need to delve into with the help of a mental health professional should you wish to try to get to the bottom of it so to speak. Anything I or anyone else on the internet is going to be able to suggest is going to be simply a guess & as likely to be wrong as it is right... maybe more so.

Perhaps other PC members will have different perspectives. But that's mine... for what it's worth. I do hope you find PC to be of benefit though.