Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
You can’t push anyone to cheat. People are either cheaters or they aren’t. Nothing you can do to push anyone.
Yes you stand up for yourself and speak up. If you’d goal is to build your self esteem up, that’s the first thing people with healthy self esteem do: speak up and stand up and don’t tolerate bad treatment.
Of course if whatever she does with these single men falls into a bothersome category. You aren’t telling us who they are and what she does with them. If they are fellow chess players in a chess club then I suggest you examine why you are upset. If they are people in “adult” chat rooms and conversations are sexual, then yes it’s inappropriate. So again it all depends on what you decided on nature of your marriage. Some people have open marriage or whatever other arrangement
You need to be on the same page
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I want to do that. I want to stand up for myself. It's not easy. I just feel like everyone thinks it's a trust issue. I just don't like what I'm hearing. It's like if I put spinach in your food and you say, hey, I don't like spinach. Please don't cook with spinach. It reminds me of when I was a kid and my parents forced me to eat spinach until I threw up. Then I said, well, it's good for you! I'm not doing anything wrong. You think I'm trying to poison you? You don't trust me!!! If you don't eat my food, then you must not trust me.
Then you try and talk to people about it and they all say, what's your problem? Spinach is natural. The only people who don't like spinach are people who haven't dealt with their issues. Either get over it or you are going to push her away.
Why can't she just say, well, it seems silly to me, I'm a really good cook. I really like putting spinach in most everthing I cook, but if that's the only thing that has been bugging you all these years I will sacrifice that for you. My food might taste a little more bland but I love you more than that. Maybe I can find something new to cook with or just find a new interest all together.
Anyways, these guys are not in any type of work or special interest group. They are all one or two people removed from anyone important or less. Old girlfriend's brother, mom's friend's son, guy I met at the mall, etc. They seem to have nothing in common that they would be missing out on if they weren't engaging with eachother. The only thing I can see they share in common is an interest in her physical appearance. I'm done talking about them. It just makes me upset.
I have a problem. I know. I pray every day for relief. I was abused, abandoned, disrespected from childhood to adulthood. Now I am on this journey to recovery. It's hard to build self esteem when the first thing your mind tells you is, you are not good enough to get better. I just wish I could share that journey with my partner instead of trying to work around her.