It's been a while since I posted. Finally got a new job! Although I find myself in my usual predicament with social anxiety. I'm not officially diagnosed, but at work while having a conversation I'm always worried I'm making some sort of mistake and beat myself up about it, and feel I'm coming across as a weirdo or a creep. I always seem to struggle to keep the conversation going. Honestly I can't wait for it to end so I can go somewhere and turtle up. Then on the drive home I find myself mulling over ever minutia and of every conversation. I can't even say exactly what mistake I made while socializing sometimes, just a vague tense feeling while I drive home and I want to scream. I just wish I could socialize as effortlessly as everyone else seems to be able to. Even my friends and family comment sometimes that I'm quiet. I want to be like everyone else but I find I can't. I'm comfortable with silence but I realize it hampers my social life. I'd like more friends and an intimate relationship. I'm 33. Who wants to date someone who's 33 and never had an intimate relationship? I feel like I have to answer for who I am. She'll think I'm a freak for not ever having a girlfriend. I dunno maybe I am. That was a lot of ****. My browser crashed while writing this, it didn't come out like I hoped. Thanks for who ever was listening.