You did a good job being honest MM. You seem to always be honest. I admire that. I think though it is possible that you go into your appointments with needs and they are only met if your T or pdoc navigates to them on their own. It feels like you let them drive. In essence, I can see why that might feel right as they are the professionals. However, when you have a specific need you have every right to take control of the meeting and ensure your needs are met. So for example, if you're 20 min into an hour long T session and you feel like your T doesn't really get the severity of what's occurring, it is possible to politely stop her and tell her you would like to ensure you cover some specific things.

Typically it seems you go well prepared to share and then some important things never come up and then your are confused by their guidance. Their guidance is only as good as the information they have. They can only address the needs properly if they understand them. You're the only one who can offer that information. It is perfectly ok to say at any point 'I feel like I am not being heard.' If what they offer is a mismatch of your expectation you can say 'That plan doesn't feel like it addresses my needs and concerns.' Then you'll need to explain why. Intelligent people can see when their plans are a bad fit if you give them the evidence to support your claim.
If you spend 30 min listening to her talk about what would get you hospitalized and you need to have that repeated, take a phone and record that part next time. Play it for yourself before you go and then use the whole session time to get what you need. You have to advocate for yourself. Nobody else will do it for you especially if you don't want H involved.

Not taking meds is a risk for you. Only you can decide if it is worth seeing your pdoc sooner. You've been quite symptomatic to the point you're worried you might be forced into the hospital. Being proactive and getting back on a solid regimine seems like a good idea. Finding a way to calm yourself and sleep seems important. Finding a way to get some decent nutrition seems smart. You can get the ball rolling on all of these things on you're own if you're not too deep in an episode. If you let it carry on, you may find yourself getting to a point where the option to decide for yourself is taken away. Nobody wants that for you. Figure out what you truly need and go get it.

How are you feeling today? I was happy to see you were able to get a bit of sleep. I hope you were able to find rest last night.