t feels like you let them drive. In essence, I can see why that might feel right as they are the professionals. However, when you have a specific need you have every right to take control of the meeting and ensure your needs are met. I do let them drive. I've never been good at taking control and always feel things aren't that bad until I think my husband is trying to kill me or that I'm going to be jailed for an unknown reason. Then I'm to afraid to bring it up. I'm good at appearing okay. So if I can act okay I'm fine.

Typically it seems you go well prepared to share and then some important things never come up and then your are confused by their guidance. That about sums up my appointments

You've been quite symptomatic to the point you're worried you might be forced into the hospital. I always worry that I'll be hospitalized, if I'm honest, If I don't do what I'm told. If I see a pdoc, If I go to therapy.... My parents really ****ed me up threatening hospitalization and meds since I was a kid. Fist time they threatened hospitalization I was 7. It became a running theme when "misbehaving" for my sister and me. Then they actually hospitalized my sister for MONTHS!!!! until they ran out of money and couldn't take another loan. So hospitalization is always a fear. Especially when going against advice.

Finding a way to calm yourself and sleep seems important. After much convincing from my own head and PC I took an ambien a little part of me knows things are off.

How are you feeling today? Anxious. Went off on a huge rant when my husband asked about what I wanted for dinner. So him and my son left leaving me home alone. With the knowlege they're going to get my favorite food for dinner. Now I'm worried they'll add more oil to it or something to make it more fattening. I don't want to get into an argument by only eatting half. At this point I don;t want them to come home.