Quote:
Originally Posted by guy1111
I agree with you except I have to clarify. This will put me in a lesser light which is fine. I'm not trying to demonize her. But my main point remains true. She doesn't only talk to singe men this way. She is, like alot of women, very much into her body image. It is probably a source of self esteem for her, much like a man's job is for alot of men. I have made the distinction to her in order to try to help her out.
Our marriage counselor and my personal therapist and many other people have described a healthy tactic of having a codeword or signal when a partner is feeling uncomfortable about the conversation so the other partner can back out of or tone down the conversation. Then he or she can privately later on share their feelings. It sounds like your husband is the more outgoing partner and sometimes gets carried away in the moment. Very understandable.
My problem is that it's all denial. I've never once heard her say that she might have gotten carried away in a conversation. It's always that I am trying to control her. This is part of why I just let her decide everything now. She needs her freedom.
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I don't fully understand what you mean here... in terms you being viewed in a lesser light.
Yeah, denial would really bother me too. I hear you. Sounds to me like she's stonewalling you.
And to me, that's a weak excuse on her part: "you're trying to control me". She's deflecting the responsibility of her own behavior back onto you, making it YOUR issue, not hers.
I think it's very insensitive, that she's seeking attention from men, and that she's making it YOUR problem and not HER issue. That's how I view it.
I would be super annoyed if my husband did that to me, and if his attitude was like, you're controlling and you're untrusting, when he's the one seeking out sexual attention from multiple single women. It would cause a huge problem in our marriage. In fact, if my husband's ego needed that much attention and stroking from other women, I probably never would have married him.
I think what this points to in fact is a deep insecurity on your wife's part since she needs all this ego stroking and attention from other men. Why isn't she in therapy to deal with her own insecurities and need for so much attention? Or is she?