Quote:
Originally Posted by guy1111
The only thing I can see they share in common is an interest in her physical appearance. I'm done talking about them. It just makes me upset.
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I'm in a very similar situation with my partner. I was accused of being insecure and jealous, as he laughed it off.
Here is a portion of an email I sent him the other day in which I think you'll appreciate:
Quote:
If we know or are told we've hurt someone, we make an effort to stop doing what’s hurting them. If the offending actions become habit, three things come to mind:
1) The person is completely aware of their actions but lack empathy to care enough, in order to get something they want (attention, admiration, validation, sympathies, superiority, etc)
2) The person is unaware, as they're too preoccupied in themselves to think about someone else, in order to get something they want (attention, admiration, validation, sympathies, superiority, etc)
3) The person is well aware and continues anyway, for the purpose of power, control, revenge, convenience, etc.
IMO, I see all three. Either you don't think about me at all -- you don't care about my feelings -- or you do it on purpose for said reasons.
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I've read most of this thread and don't think it's all about you. Yes, you have your insecurities and trauma that has nothing to do with her. She, as well, is adding to these feelings. She's totally gnawing at your insecurities with her own disrespectful behaviours because in those moments, all she's thinking about is herself.
My partner acts like a single guy, even when we're on an outing as a family (we have 2 toddlers). He will check-out other women even if they're with their partners.. even if he has to get past 'me' to get to 'them' (I'm 5'4" and petite, gawd).. even if they're not at all interested in his attention.. even if he's using me to get their attention.. and ALL he needs is a quick glance in his direction to feel validated.. and then he'll make some form of physical contact with me or asks me if "I'm ok"..
Anyway, I fully get you. No, it's not your problem. She does need to address this piece.