Quote:
Originally Posted by giddykitty
Because everything anyone here or my hubby suggests I have some reason or another why I can't do that. (unfixable) and hopeless because I'm trying every single day and most days it really isn't enough according to my husband. Last night and this morning, I just couldn't think of any reason why I should keep trying. Oddly enough, the fact that some folks told me I was fine and good and special just the way I am, gave me the self esteem boost to try again. I have a deep fear of failure, but when I feel a little better, I can start to stop giving so much of a crap. Still, it always bugs me when I get the criticism. And I feel hopeless because that will never likely stop. (hubby is the way he is and probably shouldn't change either (??) )
So, i kinda think it's true! i mean, if I can't do x, y, or z (and a-w) to move forward, then how am I to move forward?? :/
I can remember feeling this way before, struggling to get out of bed/feeling stuck (brainfog) and the mood, but I've never been without some hope...but I got a tiny bit of hope this afternoon, so I guess I'm feeling a little better...probably just enough time to recover until the next disappointment (grrr!!! stop negative thinking, giddy!!)
yeah, um last time I felt this way was when I was abandoned by a group of friends and I had no sympathy from my husband. This wasn't the case last night (although I am missing a couple people), but this morning when I tried to suggest hubby could try to make me feel better (hoping for a hug) he just said "I can't help you if i don't knot what the problem is...and if it's anything to do with the forum, i don't want to have anything to do with it". Truth is, he is the problem. And i feel he SHOULD support me and my forum interests if he truly cares for me as a person. I'm used to making excuses for the things he says like maybe he doesn't mean it in the truly negative sense that I take it, but IMO, he says some really hurtful things. Like he is constantly trying to correct me, but if I say something to correct him, we just end up in an argument and he tells me to be quiet...I suppose I've been learning this behavior myself and tell him that now when he lectures me. Not healthy, i know, but I don't think it's fair that I have to sit and take it when he won't give me a listen when I treat him the same way. :/ I don't know what else to do! I can't tell if he doesn't get how much it bothers me and is actually more harmful than helpful, or if he just doesn't care. And my fear is that it is the latter. But if that's the case, I'm still stuck because he provides me food, shelter, ..you know, all the essentials for survival, which i can't do on my own...and i highly doubt there is anyone else who will put up with me, nor do i want them to have to! I guess this is just my challenge I've been given in my life and as of this afternoon, i have been reminded that i need to keep fighting for sanity, but just some days (or nights) feel almost unbearable! bleh!
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Hi
Maybe take one suggestion and run with it... or think of something yourself and run with it. Then it will not be true that ''everything'' anyone suggests has a ''yes but'' attached to it. What do you think?
People are less likely to get frustrated if you engage in a dialogue with them, and also take baby steps in a different direction instead of what maybe feels like spinning your wheels, with people trying to get you ''unstuck''
What do you think?
Sometimes one small positive change can lead to more positive changes
Is there one relationship with a friend you can work on to improve in some way. Reach out to someone else with kindness?
It sounds like the relationship with hubby is problematic
I think this is where a therapist could be particularly helpful. I have been working on my relationship with my hubby recently without a therapist (they are very few in this forest irl...) and have had some ''success''... however it can be frustrating sometimes.
It sounds like you have some very negative self talk, which is fed by criticism from others.
And also feeling abandoned by a group of friends (that would be hurtful to everyone imo..)
Do you know who you are at your core? Or are you relying on others for feedback only? If you have no idea who you are, then moods and cognition etc will be shifted by other people when they do not ''deserve'' to have that power over you. Probably most other people are neutral. There will be some who like you and some who don't. Many will probably be neutral
If you work on ''self love'' that will also be an ''achievement'' since you will then be able to offer love to others. Look up agape love.
I have spent quite a long time writing this. I hope you read it and get back to me some time. I do not have very much time to write here (as probably is true for many)
I think that in depth therapy would probably help you
(as has probably been suggested by others, I haven't read all this thread). There seems to be an underlying sense of emptiness. Am I correct, or not?