@LilyMop, I understand how you feel. It's a double edged sword with people, and especially at work. If you DON'T speak up and stand up for yourself at work, then you get taken advantage of, stepped on, overlooked and/or abused. So in order to protect one's own self respect , self esteem and self worth in the face of disrespect, one must stand up for oneself, draw boundaries and push back at work sometimes.

The flip side of standing up for oneself at work is that you can be viewed as a troublemaker. Some people even get fired for standing up for themselves and for what they believe to be "right". I had a friend who stood up and protested against racist remarks made towards another co-worker, and guess what? He was fired from his job.

So that's the risk one takes. Personally, I would rather risk it, deal with the discomfort and consequences of potential conflict or fallout than allow someone to cross my boundaries, abuse me, take advantage of me, or disrespect me in any way.

I speak up at work fairly frequently about people crossing my boundaries and/or lines of respect. And I have kept my job. In the end, I don't care if the higher ups view me as a troublemaker for speaking up. I am the #1 top performer on my team. So I do not allow disrespect to go unnoticed and unacknowledged. And I draw strict boundaries. Sure, I know that some people gripe about me behind my back, but do I really care? NO. I don't. I am very good at my job, I work very hard at it, and I am proud of my work. That's the most important thing to me -- that I produce high quality work- NOT what these people actually think of me, who would not be my friend outside of work as it is.

And in friendships or interpersonal relationships, it's even more important I think to stand up for yourself. And if people don't like it? Then they prefer to cross your boundaries and do not like the fact that you're demanding respect. So who needs that kind of friend? True friends respect, value and appreciate one another, which is what love entails too. If people frequently disregard your boundaries and by saying something, it causes tension? They're not worthy of your friendship, in my opinion.

I think overall, it's very important to stand up for oneself with people who disrespect you. How can we have any self respect if we don't? When it slips on by, then the disrespectful behavior is being allowed. Eventually, allowing such behavior erodes at one's self esteem and one is more so viewed as a pushover or a doormat. Personally, I am no doormat and I'd rather be disliked than disrespected.

So.... perhaps don't get caught up in people pleasing. Perhaps think of this as a self respect issue.

We all have to look out for #1, and there's some seriously crummy people in this world who need to be kept in check or else they'll walk all over you. Who needs that?