Have you heard of Pathological Demand Avoidant? It's ruled by extreme anxiety. Take a peek. It's considered part of Autism Spectrum Disorder (high functioning) but doesn't follow the classic Autism characteristics. It's probably one of the hardest form of Autism to support.

At this stage, don't take her blame personally. She likely doesn't understand herself as much as you don't.

Please acknowledge her relationship with her abusive partner and ask her what help she's needing. Before you do, please read up about PDA first so you know how to approach her in a way she will listen.

PM me if you have any questions.