Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
I can totally get where you're coming from. Did he ever tell you why he no longer wanted your friendship? It sounds a bit harsh, especially if he didn't give you an explanation.
I understand why your friend is bringing him up in conversation if they're still good buddies. I bet it's unintentional and is just caught up in a story.. and maybe because he's a "taboo" conversation, subconsciously, he may feel compelled to bring him up anyway. Or maybe he just doesn't understand the hype since this guy wasn't your ex who (say) abused you in some way.
Is there a way to get closure to this ex friend? Did you have feelings for him beyond friendship?
Your current friend needs to be a little more sensitive to your feelings since it really bothers you that much.. or he runs the risk of you avoiding contact with him because of this guy.
I think you also need to do some healing so you don't run the risk of losing this friend, either.
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To set a small record straight, my ex friend lives in the same area as I do. We have never bumped in to each other because the area is heavily populated and spread out. It's a surprise that we never bumped in to each other. My friend lives 3000 miles away. My friend and the ex friend do not correspond to each other that much.
My ex friend told me that, since he got married, it wouldn't be comfortable with him and his wife having a single guy tagging along. I was surprised because, before they got married, we got along great. I thought that his wife liked me a lot. Yet the strange thing that happened was that, when my friend came to visit me a couple of months after my ex friend got married, my ex friend wanted to take my friend out to places with his wife and didn't want me to come along. That happened about 35 years ago.
You asked if I had feelings for him beyond a friendship. I never had any kind of "feelings" (sexual attractions) for him. Though he one time confessed to me that he had attractions to other guys. Other people had suspected that he could have been gay.
As far as having "closure", I felt like I had. It's very difficult to have total closure when being hurt and then, while over it, someone has to bring it up.
I guess my friend has some kind of autism. He seems like he's a slow learner and very often speaks before he thinks. I remembered in my college days that a lot of people got mad at him because of stuff he would say. Like I said before, I have told him many times that I don't want to hear about my ex friend but he still doesn't get it. He does that with other people also.