I checked in with my therapist on Friday. She asked me about what I thought happened with my husband, and I couldn’t say it. She said it and asked me what I thought, to which I replied I don’t know, maybe. I wish I had never brought it up, tbh. Not sure why I felt the need to go there. After 20mins on the call with her I just wanted to hang up. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

I am still feeling incredibly depressed and anxious. When I get depressed I feel the tears behind my eyes but they never fall. I’ve been feeling that for a couple of days. I’ve been feeling trapped and distressed. I got rid of Facebook and I don’t check the news anymore. I just can’t handle it. I’m sure I’ll hear from someone when our state opens back up.

I took melatonin to sleep last night and I did sleep but I had intense nightmares all night. In one I was fighting off my cat who had become possessed and other animal like demons. I felt like I was getting scratched and bitten. I kept waking up and then going right back into the dream. I finally woke up for good out of breath and terrified. The rest of the night the nightmares were nowhere near as intense, but definitely upsetting. I’ve never had that happen with melatonin before.

Today we found a park in a neighboring town was still open, so we went there and walked around. It’s not like a playground or anything, just a paved path around a big man made lake. I didn’t want to go initially, I just wanted to stay in bed, but I knew RS wouldn’t understand that so I got my *** up and went. It was nice to get out. I haven’t left the house at all in over a week, not even to just go outside in our yard or anything.

Well I see therapist again on tues and see pdoc then too. Hoping to get something for anxiety that I am less likely to abuse.