I can feel the pain in this post dear little turtle..

My experience was different but in some ways similar...

That after 65 years of her life, my mother was still not my friend. I had wanted her to be my friend..

She did not like me. She said she loved me She told ''everyone'' what a ''bad person'' I was, including a cruel, sociopathic ''boyfriend/landlord'' - who threw me out also. It was part of his script, his pattern. He was very cruel, very bitter, not ''even attractive'' :-( He was ''not without intelligence''.. which he used against me

She rejected me... a mother rejecting her only daughter. Her only biological child. I am not sure what sort of love that is.

Papa bear and I, my husband, are very different, there is love, and we like each other.

I am grateful I did not marry one of the (several) abusive young or not so young men I had engaged with before meeting Papa bear. The ''pattern of dysfunction'' could have continued had I been less ''fortunate'' and married the abuser I was engaged to for over a year. (or one of the other abusers... including that horrible horrible ''landlord''... But in his mind, he was Far Superior to me... I was, in his mind, so far beneath him that he came to our house to abuse me with words soon after I married Papa bear :-( Why :-( I can only imagine... jealousy partly, he was nearly 10 years older than I was, maybe he knew deep down he would not .... ''ever'' ... find anyone as ''good'' as me (or maybe anyone ''good enough for him at all''... grrrrrrr. Sorry about the grr

hugs and love to you dear little turtle and to all on the As Is bus