I guess you're right, pink. Doesn't really matter as long as I try to stop it.

I'm just starting to realize that I really don't fit the bill for anything, other than just recurring depression and occasional mood swings. But I really don't think I'm Bipolar at all, not even Bipolar II. It just doesn't fit. And the more I read about Borderline....I just don't know. It's possible, but not totally "me".

But that leaves me wondering if the self-destructive behavior is just me making bad decisions and being a bad person and it has nothing to do with impulse control....

Kind of a hard realization I guess.

No matter what, the illness doesn't "excuse" anything I did, but maybe explains it...but if it's not that, then the only explanation is that I just did some really bad stuff.