Like I said, unfixable. :/

No, I mean maybe I just don't believe that I am the problem. Or not the entire problem, but what problems I have, I am actively working on already. I just get in a funk when others (especially hubby) criticize me or make me feel bad when i make honest mistakes or don't live up to their/his expectations because I AM doing my best. I start to believe that my best isn't good enough or that it makes me a bad friend or wife or whatever. And when I try to open up about my feelings (with hubby) he tells me I've got a messed up brain for thinking like that. Even if that is true, he doesn't help by telling me this. I just want him to acknowledge and just bloody hug me when I'm feeling bad. And it wouldn't hurt if he realized and apologized once in awhile for triggering me or hurting my feelings. No, I should just "get over it". If I have a messed up brain though, I can't just "get over it"! He makes me crazy!

And if he read this now he'd very likelyget mad at all the "untruths" that are here. Excuse me, but these are MY truths! Anything that doesn't fit into his idea of the world has to be false or wrong or just "digging for problems".

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, there's my relationship with him that I'm trying to mend/work on and this is important to me. On the other hand, there's my relationship to folks on these forums, which are also important to me. But at the end of the day, when there is conflict between the two, I'm going to likely have to go with my hubby, unless I really strongly feel he's being very wrong. It's no disrespect, it's just that he's the one who's going to literally be there for me when things get rough. You know? It's not that I don't take online relationships seriously. I do very much actually and it pains me when I can't please you folks.

This is why I'm so miserable.