I am so sorry you feel sad, broken, and unmotivated. It takes energy to survive, never mind heal from loss upon loss. The energy draw increases when available resources have changed or vanished: when there is no immediate replenishing human touch for you, like a hug. Finding and creating new resources is work. You are still trying, and that hugely counts! You are motivated that much. Hold to that bit! You wrote it down, and shared. Thank you for that, because it helps me know I am not alone. Lack of motivation is my own trapping. I wish you better minutes ahead, more light, more open doors.