I think I understand what you are saying. I joke that I am a cat in human form and space is my friend. Enmeshment with a significant other, even one that I care about deeply, is absolutely terrifying. It's easy for me to feel smothered and I take space when I need it. Even in new relationships, I liked spending time together, but there came a need for me to just be alone for a bit and recharge. I always made this clear to people and, for the most part, it worked.

I currently have a stalker who is enmeshment personified. The red flags and the warning flares fired when he began to demand 24/7 attention from me. He had overwhelming fears of abandonment and perceived some fairy tale fantasy romance between us. Having coffee together one day, I went back to the counter and struck up a conversation with a guy in line and stalker went bananas! When it was time for me to leave for the evening after get togethers, he would pitch a fit and send me videos of himself sobbing because he missed me so much. I found it nauseating.

I often choose SOs poorly, but I always tell them what makes me tick and that I need space. This stalker could not have chosen a woman more poorly suited to his overwhelming emotional neediness, but I had warned him. No amount of reason would work with this guy. I had to realize that stalking and obsession is not about logic. Hopefully for you, your dream girl will complement you well and understand your particular emotional state.