Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I like the idea of making a decision.
Personally I like to look at a situation in terms of serenity prayer: can I change it? If yes then I change it. If it cannot be changed, then you got to accept it and find peace within yourself to not agonize about it.
Third option of not changing the situation and not accepting it, is a guaranteed life in turmoil and suffering. And sadly that it how many people live their entire life. We only have one life and it’s quite short. Spending it in suffering is not the best option imho.
Now I believe people can change some of their behaviors in a compromise with their partner. That’s why it’s important to tell your partner what bothers you. They can change some behaviors.
But I do not believe people can change who they fundamentally are. And we shouldn’t expect them to. We are either accept who they fundamentally are or we find more compatible partners.
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I agree. I know I can't change her. If I can get to a point where I can just calmly and confidently state my needs, be specific and short and not allow her reactions to affect me, I will be in a better place. If she never changes and I finally throw in the towel I will at least know that I tried my best and never wavered on my needs. She will have to move on knowing exactly why I left her. In the next relationship I can be more upfront and gentle about my needs. Supposedly their are women out their that understand that men generally have very sensitive egos and are content with the admiration of one man and hold their beauty sacred and cultivated for him. Just as some men know most women generally need to feel secure in a relationship that they will be taken care of and fought for above all others and not abandoned.
I'm not saying I do this perfectly, but when I fail I admit it and try to improve myself.