Can I ask you something @guy1111? What kind of mud is she slinging at you over and over again? And what does she "rant" on you about?

Reacting emotionally in a seemingly negative way to someone ranting on you and slinging mud is not just because you have a past with abuse, or because you deal with PTSD. It's a natural emotional reaction to feel and to have in response to someone slinging mud at you. I am curious about the nature of your relationship dynamic and I am wondering and have the question in my mind of how healthy it is for you overall?

No one should be slinging mud in a marriage and/or ranting on someone repeatedly. Adults talk to one another and work out and discuss their issues together, in a fair and adult way. Sure, people may argue and fight even, but then a couple should be able to come to some sort of conclusion, consensus, compromise and resolution about the issue. Slinging mud is not part of a healthy relationship dynamic.

I also do not like that she tells you you're "controlling" when it's her own issue at play for sexual attention and sexual affirmation that she needs from other men. That's deflecting the responsibility of her own behavior onto you, and it's turning her problem now into your problem to solve. And here you are, wracking your brain trying to solve it for yourself, and feeling badly about yourself too. Although you've built up resilience it seems to her words towards you, a loving and healthy relationship does not involve hurting the other person over and over again.

Just some additional thoughts for you.