'm scared I might enjoy the thoughts. I don't know if I have much empathy but I do have a guilty conscience I know that.I do want to have empathy though, I do like cute things, I just don't feel bad for others when I want too. I do feel sorry for them and want to help them, but I feel no emotion I think. :/
The thoughts I get mostly are my brain trying to tell me I want and enjoy and like the thoughts, but I don't like them and don't want them.
I want to manage them, but I want to develop empathy and make sure i'm not
before I can be sure it's OCD and manage the thoughts effectively.
I can start sleeping better and I can dream nicer things instead of the violent flashes now, which is good. I just cannot listen to music without some sort of animation or else the violent thoughts will flash in my mind.
I do have a therapist meeting today so I hope I can the therapist how I feel and ask how I can improve. I'm too scared to tell her even though my mom won't be there today.
I just wish I never had these thoughts, I don't want to become a murderer. I just wish I was a good person, a normal person.
I used to browse and participate in
so I was happy. They were all good people who cared about others, so I want to go back to it, though I told myself I wouldn't. What do I do about this?
I don't want to be self-centered either as I heard most psychopaths are like that. I'm also scared that I might like murderers and not hate them too.
As for Zoanthids though, yes they are the toxic ones, I think they are very beautiful corals.
EDIT: When I watch TV, when there is a sad seen, my first instinct is too want to hug the characters. Is that a good thing? Plus when I'm with my pets, I get all cuddly with them and kiss them and hug them, pet them a lot but not aggressively.
Also these thoughts just popped up one day out of no where(I think), and I don't want them. I don't want to live like this or become a
My life would be so much better without the thoughts, but I read you are born with psychopathy, am I one? I also don't know if these thoughts will go away, I just want them gone.
I don't think I'm cunning or manipulative, I don't do anything bad nor do I hurt or threaten people with the context of hurting them(I did use to when I was angry though, but it wasn't extreme death threats or assault just yelling and a punch or two and it would only be in fights with my brother.)
I'm not a violent person.
I was bullied before, and I did consider
but I never acted on the thoughts, I don't get in fights either nor do I bully others(I used too in 3rd grade but I was immature then). If anything, crime shows freak me out rather than "inspire" me. They are a main cause of the thoughts, one of them at least.
I will do ANYTHING to be a normal person without the violent thoughts, I love animals and am cutting down meat consumption, I am a supporter of equal rights but am a conservative, I dislike hunting and never participated in it. I wish I never had these thoughts and was a much happier person before them.
Please help me, I cannot and will not live like this any longer, I don't want to live like this and if it is permanent I will turn myself in to a psychward or prison so I don't harm another creature. I promised myself I would