So I'm realizing that I've gotten myself back into a negative loop in my brain over the past couple of months, like it's ingrained in the grooves of my brain through neuroplasticity.. so the more I think negatively the more it becomes my usual mood/attitude and the harder it gets to break that habit but I can make the choice to change and that's what I'm doing, I've done it before years ago and got myself out of a long lasting severe depression so I can do it again. I don't have to live in misery, it's not easy but I will work on myself and breaking my negative thought patterns.

Anyway, aside from that revelation.. I spent most of the day lying in bed in the dark before it finally got through my head that I need to do something to change this or it's just gonna get worse. Supportive friends at PC helped me come to this realization, and I'm thankful for that.

I got to speak to my nephew on the phone tonight, I hadn't heard from him in a long time so that was really nice, I miss him. I'm going to be making some changes in my life, getting back into my hobbies, finding meaning, reconnecting with my faith, staying positive and learning ways to cope with my anxiety effectively. Some of my hobbies are playing ukulele, art (sketching), reading, videogames, and cooking among others. Also, I should be getting my sister's cat soon (she doesn't get along with their dog and I lost my 2 cats recently so we figured moving her in with me would be a good idea) so I'm really looking forward to that, I miss having a fury friend around. I also am starting to pay off some debt I owe to my college so I can get enrolled in classes again at some point.

I hope everyone here is hanging in there