Up until about 4 days ago, I felt I was being pretty resilient with this thing (the 'situation'). But then my mood began to plummet. It's just become too much.

My therapist suggested I seek a broader support network and that I get in touch with more people. I've followed her suggestion to a point. I'm now in touch with a good friend I had been out of touch with for many years and I insisted with my sister-in-law that I be able to Face Time with my nephews (long story). That worked out, at least once anyway, and they called day before yesterday. It was wonderful to see the boys.

I go for long walks every day, no matter the weather. This is also helping to keep me sane, especially when I do it with a good friend by phone. But it's become more of a chore than anything else, lately; still, afterwards, I'm glad I at least went out and did it.

This same friend and I decided to encourage each other to fulfill a goal each day, whether it's cleaning something, doing a load of laundry, cooking something, whatever. And then we check in with each other. This has helped.

Even though I work in health care, there is a part of my job I can do via video, so I've been doing that. But very few hours a day, so I have a lot of time to fill. I miss being in the hospital. Part of the reason they sent us home is that they don't want us competing with other providers in using PPE, as it is so precious. I really miss my co-workers as well. We have optional staff meetings via zoom almost every day. I attend if I'm not working at that time and I love joking around with them (which is about half the meeting). However, on days they are cancelled, my mood absolutely plummets.

So, overall, I'm not doing very well right now. I'm doing everything I can think of to help myself, but sometimes it's just not enough... I used to be an alcoholic, quit except for very occasional and controlled social drinking, some 15 years ago. What scares me, is that I've been craving it again lately. So far, have not given in though.

Stay safe everyone!