Quote:
Originally Posted by fern46
Harming children systematically and programatically for financial profit...
Like I said. I danced with the villain. I battled for years and it shattered my mind. I know where you're coming from. I'm not saying the goal is to be grey. I think the grey is the bridge where the black and the white lay down their polarization and find a way to color together again. Rainbows are much more beautiful are they not?
I carried a belief that a specific outcome was the only way forward. I no longer see it that way. That's what I mean by taking a wildly different approach. I drew my sword against an opponent and lost my own mind. I think maybe I should have offered a heart and a hand... It is not the minds of men that allow for evil. It is the hearts. I do not believe the lost are irredeemable. From their perspective it was me who was lost. They were right.
I do not believe that I am so full of light that the evil does not stir within. I simply believe in choice. I believe in cocreation. I believe in teamwork without the need for sacrifice.
Those who carry 'evil' stem from the same creator as I do. They are a part of the whole that I come from. They are my brother. We have all just forgotten that.
If you look only at the light you will notice that white contains all of the colors. But... If you look at ink, black is actually where the presence of all of the colors occurs... I am interested in knowing how to use a flashlight and a printer  The source is the light and the image is the creation. Both are a part of the source and both are necessary in order to 'know'.
That's simply a way of looking at things. I take no issue with your perspective and I have found great value on that road. I may choose a battle again at some point. Who knows. For now, I'm focused on my own wholeness and honoring the greater versions of that available to me in the world. Separation has led to such immense pain and suffering. I'm unable to travel that road at the moment. I almost lost everything. I now know why I went there. The trauma from my childhood that called me into battle finally surfaced. I will always offer my support and love, but I'm laying down my sword. I have other methods to pursue.  |
Thank you fro the thoughtful reply. I am so very sorry that you went through such pain and suffering as a result of taking your position. Very sorry and I most certainly do relate to what you say.
Your post highlights almost perfectly the actual, original reason for my first post. That being, I recognize within myself my need for peace to be a primary objective, let's just say, because of brain health issues, initially. I struggle with lots of negative loop pathways/rumination. I am better at dealing with it now. I do have many skills and I use them every day, all day.
I also have come to view the world very, very differently than I formerly did. As I have said, I rely on a bit of a non-attachment model for day-to-day things, such as, ruminating about an old boss who discriminated against me and mistreated me. He is a scumbag. But my discomfort when ruminating on him is not actually caused by him. It is caused by me. By my desire for him not to have done what he very clearly did and does. He was simply being wonderfully and perfectly exactly who he was and is.
This approach works very well for me, because I believe it. It fits for me.
Unfortunately, there are some problems, some issues, some items, that are of such gravitas that, for me, anyway, just practicing acceptance and love and non-attachment is likely not adequate as a response. These are some of the examples I have given.
I am trying to figure out how to integrate what I recognize in me as a very clear position that some situations are so unacceptable, that a response is required. This quality of me causes me discomfort, stress, pain, sleeplessness, etc. I wish I did not have it. I actually wish I could just not care. But I do. Always have. I was always the kid who stood up for the children with developmental delays who were being bullied by the "cool" kids. That is just me, from the beginning. No idea why.
Perhaps if I met the people who tortured me for two years and go away with it while holding themselves out publicly as our Protectors and Saviors, maybe that would be a place some progress could be made. I had never considered that. They would likely just try to kill me again, but, maybe it is worth exploring for my own brain's sake.