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Originally Posted by bpcyclist
Was not able to read anything at all from yesterday, sorry, guys. Very symptomatic yesterday and last night. Ugh. So tired of this at times. Really just exhausting for me trying to keep myself, um, going, I guess.
Totally convinced without any doubt now that my neighbor to the right is definitely spying on me with some type of camera he plugs in every night that can see through my wall. Infrared or something like that. I don't really know. Everyone tells me this is more psychosis, but I just really don't believe that anymore. It all just makes me very sad, to be truthful. My poor brain. It's just so very broken. How did I end up this way? I used to operate at a pretty functional level. Oh well.l.
So, had pdoc today, but wrote down the totally incorrect time. The smallest things I cannot even pull off anymore. Was not even close. He rescheduled fro Friday. I really need some help. I can make it that far. I've come this far. Why not...
Love and hugs to all. I wan to thank everyone here on this forum who has been so kind and generous and supportive toward me while I have been here. I am so very grateful for all of you.Other than when I am writing my books or on the bike, this is teh only place I do not feel like a total outcast. Thank you.
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A thought... So throw this out with the trash if you don't like it...
I agree with the others who think the neighbor camera is psychosis. However, to one in psychosis that is of little value because the nature of psychosis means it feels 100% real.
So what if you did some exposure therapy and worked with this camera situation like it was real? Nobody likes being watched. It stirs fear in many and it feels like a complete violation. What if you faced that?
Maybe you could make a list of all of the behavior adjustments you make because you feel you're being watched? What are you not doing because you are being watched? What value is it taking from your life?
Then you can assess the list by impact. So for each one decide how scary would it be to change this? And.. How much value would I have if I take back control of this?
So for example, maybe you used to sing but you don't anymore because of the camera. It would maybe only take a minor amount of effort to sing one song out loud a day and it fuels your spirit, so the value would be great.
You can shift something small and then work up to things like walking around your apartment naked
Or whatever is the equivalent of being totally exposed. For you I think maybe it is actually leaving while risking them knowing you are gone?
Accepting something as a psychotic manifestation doesn't seem to be working for you and its root is someplace real for you anyway. Why not work with it like it is real or like a virtual reality you can use to your advantage to process some fears? I AM NOT advocating getting so lost in it you lose the knowing this is psychosis. It is important to keep that. This would be more like working with your dreams to process emotion.
Anyway... That's just what came to mind.