Quote:
Originally Posted by here today
This sounds to me like information, from his perspective at least. Are you primarily interested in where he may be coming from? Or something else?
It also sounds as if you were trying to talk to him about something you were interested in -- how you felt -- and that was not a topic he was interested in, at that moment at least. Also, from his comments, it would appear that he wasn't feeling too great about what you were saying, even if that wasn't in the content of his replies.
Why are you trying to engage him in conversations about how you feel, when you have already (mentally) labeled him with NPD? Maybe he has it, or maybe he doesn't, but responding defensively isn't limited to people with NPD. Perhaps the two of you could come to an agreement about how you would like to talk about such things in the future? Have you considered couples counseling?
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I don't know that he has NDP. I've only started to question it recently.
I'm having conversations with him about every day life stuff because we're a couple and a family. It's not about my "feelings". It's usually about a behaviour or an oversight.. like maybe being mindful of saying triggering words with our one year old that will cause an upset (mentioning "walk" during dinner time as she'll understand it's happening "now" and gets upset why we're still sitting there). Or off balancing the two girls by putting one on a pedestal over the other. Or handling a parenting situation passively and not following through (and then complain the 3yr old "never listens to him").. etc. Sometimes the option isn't to discuss things at a later time.
Yesterday I expressed my feelings around him using damaging words in front of our daughters. This conversation went well but he didn't understand the problem with expressing his "feelings" in front of the girls against mom in this way. The examples I gave are his reactions and feelings and not a "truth". Our daughters, especially lately, are hearing this daily. I'm not being mean or controlling. I'm addressing a concern or pointing out something he appears to be oblivious about which is causing havoc.
We were seeing a couples counselor. She was great! She fired us, though, saying we'd benefit from individual counseling.. me to "vent" and him to address the 4 areas in "emotional intelligence". She heard our stories and felt he was the problem. When we left, he laughed and said she reminded him of his rehab counselor from years back, how she didn't take any of his BS.