The most important thing you can do is be united when it comes to the children. I was very fortunate to have this. Mostly, I was the primary parent. But if he said the kids could do something, I would agree that they could because he said so.

I know I would not stand for him putting one child over another and playing favorites. I remember once he made some snarky comment about one son as though he was not as smart as the other. I spoke to him after, alone, and pointed it out, asking him to not do that again.

My sister divorced her husband because he completely undermined her with the kids, let them do really dangerous things, and told them to ignore her!

I’m sorry you’re having these challenges. It’s much better to just not have them in the first place.

You are right his comments in front of the kids are causing parental alienation and undermining you, just like my sister had. Don’t let him get away with it, but you’ll have to do it carefully and not in front of the kids.