Hey Fuzzy. Hugs to you.

My episode was triggered by trauma, ptsd and poor choices on my part. I think any number of things can mix in just the right ways to set someone on that path.

Does Papa Bear have concerns with your behavior? Has he witnessed any episodes in the past? Outside of the rage and ideation do you have other symptoms? Racing thoughts? Insomnia? Increased energy? Mixed episodes feel tricky to nail down, but the also seem to spiral out of control quickly. I like WCs suggestion of checking in with your GP if they are a trusted provider.

I also like your idea of calling to talk with someone. I hope the person on the other end offers respect and a kind ear. If not, hang up and call the next line

Let me know if there's anything specific I can do to assist.