I don't want my daughters learning I'm allowing this by having these conversations privately, and them not realizing I'm addressing these concerns. I don't want them growing up being door mats. Having said that, I most definitely have these discussions privately, too. We were up until 2am, texting last night, talking about many things. We also had a discussion in the car yesterday, while our girls were sleeping, that went rather well. He says he understands and wants to try and be a better person.. yet, today's first conversation was a bust. I am partly to blame for this one, today..

Coronavirus has shrunk our world so I'm taking steps to take care of my own mental health by going for a coffee and a walk or sit by a nearby park or school and decompress.

When it's my time to take this break and I'm putting my shoes on to leave for an hour, he wants to put me on hold.. "Can I just quickly walk the dog before you go" (well he's gotta pee).. "Can I just grab a quick coffee before you go " (he'll be quick) .. "... pick up a snack, I'm starving" (ok, he's really hungry) etc.

Then he'll tell me he's taking the girls out for a walk, too. We don't live in a large community. He's already asked our 3yr old about our specific locations when I take them for walks with me. She's shown him our "route" and hangouts, and told me so. He's already questioned me if I've met someone else because I take these walks. He has me on a short leash.

So today, he asked again if he could walk our dog quickly before I left and I said no. I vented a bit.. asking why he's often asking me to wait? Of course he drowned me out and kept repeating, "I just wanted to know if I could take him for a walk".. and brushing me off and giving attitude.. completely controlling the conversation. Then he told me he may take our girls for some French fries which is in the exact area I'm in. Gawd.. I just want an hour to myself without feeling like I'm being watched from a distance or being "found" in my space. Of course he says the opposite. He's "respectful" of my space, even though last week he showed up to one of our locations with our girls, in which he acted like he had "no idea" we where there.

It sounds silly, I know. Just give me space! Be respectful. Stop drowning me out and pretend he's innocent because I've finally gotten frustrated. My 3 yr old came up to me and said, "Mom, don't worry," and gave me a hug and big smile.. what a sweetheart, but not her responsibility to "cheer mom up".