"I am trying to figure out how to integrate what I recognize in me as a very clear position that some situations are so unacceptable, that a response is required. This quality of me causes me discomfort, stress, pain, sleeplessness, etc. I wish I did not have it. I actually wish I could just not care. But I do. Always have. I was always the kid who stood up for the children with developmental delays who were being bullied by the "cool" kids. That is just me, from the beginning. No idea why."

I could not have said this any better. My whole life has been about challenging inverted power structures and systems and redesigning them. I don't think one goes that route unless they went to the 'school of hard knocks'.

Here's what I have learned the hard way. If you see something you do not like and you push against it, you separate from it but you're also now attached to it like two ends of a rubber band. The more you push, the more tension you create.

So for example, when one country decides the practices in another are unacceptable and they show force to take over and implement change, they do so but they also fuel hate, resentment, confusion, etc. all at the same time. The hearts of the people they battle are the actually worse as a result. If they die, their children grow in that hate and resentment. So... While the original violation of human rights may be stopped, what stirs within grows and eventually surfaces in another form and with greater power. It is like whack a mole. The source is always there brewing and waiting to come forward. Eventually the tension builds and that rubber band you're attached to, or your country or religion or whatever snaps and you battle again. Rinse and repeat. One side may eventually change. They may tire of the battle and walk away, but this is strategically speaking a very inefficient use of energy. It is a system with a lot of entropy or chaos.

So how can we create change if we can't stand to see something happening, but we don't want to fight it? I'm evolving my thoughts here, so excuse what might feel like blatant errors....

I think maybe we attempt to create something of higher value together. People only chase these types of behaviors because they feel it offers them control or power or dominance or whatever. They do it because it is what they are taught. The root cause though is fear. Fear of loss. Fear of death. Fear of being exposed. Fear of a change in reputation. Fear of a higher spiritual power. Lack of control, etc.

I'm suggesting that when we look at it that way we see we carry the same fears within on one level of another. If they are not current fears, we can at least relate. This is what I meant before by there is no morally superior road. The root of all of this error is the same. It manifests in billions of scenes and packages, but its made of the same stuff. Some battle the fear within. Some project it wholly outward, but it all stems from the same place. We think one choice of manifestation is better than another, but the net result on our hearts and souls is pain no matter how you slice it. Of course there are levels of pain and some cause immense pain. Isn't that worse? I think this is where we have to hold opposing truths in our mind. We have our own belief systems and then we can also remove the moral hierarchy and look at it on a more digital level. Is pain present? = yes = same. Our histories are all so complex. When we only look at what is happening in the moment we tend to judge. When we see it as a whole and just wonder 'is my brother in pain?' things look different.

If we can see what is the same between us, we have a bridge as opposed to a rubber band. We can naturally look at the situation as a fear based error and we can then seek to create change. We might then be able to demonstrate that there is a way forward that generates infinitely more value if we can learn to integrate the fear and use it as a catalyst for change. If we can do it for ourselves, others can see this, be intrigued by it and seek it.

So I am suggesting the same process I am deploying to integrate the lost pieces of my self who are scary, angry, mistreated, and ready to battle me into my demise can be the way forward with the pieces of our brotherhood we view the same way.

Value is value and it speaks for itself.... We are all powerful creators and the world is abundant. When a strategy to obtain value comes at the cost of another human, there is always another way. We just never get to that part of the conversation because we keep shoving each other away with our weapons. We never bother to just sit with our opponent and let them know they are loved and accepted. We don't seek to show them we are equal and have fears too. We don't bother to learn how they came to be what they choose in the moment. This is like people judging us for our psychosis without bothering to understand the truly horrific reasons it has occured and just telling us to take our meds and cope.

The entire world is a traumatized puzzle of broken and misshapen pieces. But... I have made a living off of redesigning broken systems and Inlove puzzles. I'm going to keep working on this one. I thought I had the right approach before. I thought I could force others to change. I had the physics wrong. I think now it is about radiating and reflecting an alternative and allowing others to come to the conclusion they can generate more value in their lives when they are ready. It is about honoring their free will and right to choose. The evil can be defeated, but I feel more and more that the only real way to do it is allow the individual generating it to make the choice on their own. If enough people do the work to shift themselves, I feel like the vibe of it will be something others seek out eventually. This is why I feel it is critical to start with myself. Otherwise, people sense hypocrisy and justify their choices.

Knowing I am working on myself so that I can better serve others one day is what helps me sleep at night. I am not turning a blind eye. I actually feel like I am finally starting to see. The people I fought paid me a tremendous service as it was my experience with them that helped me to know myself better and to see how broken I was. I am grateful to my brother.