Oh. My. God.

I felt a chill go down my spine reading your situation. I am going through something very similar at the moment. I seem to be a target for stalkers every couple of years or so. In grad school, I dated a guy once and he had this bizarre paraphilia in wanting me to beat him up in a pit of mud. He tracked me for years across numerous states in the US. I had another one a couple of years ago, who was more creepy and awkward than dangerous.

I have one now that I've mentioned in the Borderline Personality Disorder thread. As an amateurish guess, it seems like your stalker shares very similar traits with BPD and maybe with narcissism - instability with relationships hurt by chaos and manipulation, clingy, demanding of time and attention, self centered, etc. I can empathize in that my stalker was part of a group of friends. He was this shy, awkward, lost soul struggling musician with an abusive family. So, I mistakenly tried my best to help him and show him what it meant to be an adult (he's well into his 20s as am I) as he was so immature. Then, he actively alienated all of our mutual friends and attempted to alienate me from my friends so that he could isolate both himself and me so that we would be solely dependent upon each other. About six months into a friendship, he declared feelings for me and became a black hole of time and attention, demanding I be with him 24/7. Nevermind the fact that I'm married. I was never interested in a romantic relationship with him. I don't find him attractive, he's immature, he's broke, he's in horrible shape, lives in his parent's basement, is uneducated and has no career potential. It soon became a nonstop parade of antics and crises where I would have to rush over and save him when he would get beat up by his dad or brother. And then, he wouldn't let me go, constantly making excuses or reasons for me to stay.

He then began to make unreasonable demands on my time, my dress, my behavior and who I associate with. He tried his hardest to get me to abandon all of my male friends and to not even associate with another male. He would also insist that I dress conservatively, except in his presence. I laughed at all of this and his reaction should have been a red flag for me. I suspect that his demands were more cultural than BPD in this. When I reminded him that I was married this provoked a bizarre paraphilia that he revealed to me in that it had been his lifelong dream to "cuck a white guy with a white woman." He was obsessed with white women and when I tried to set him up with an Asian woman before I knew his issues he freaked out. He's Hispanic. He also became hypersexual, demanding sex all of the time and displaying crass, disgusting behavior. He had this off the wall fairy tale romance scenario in his head of how I would abandon my family and friends, throw my husband out, drive over to his house, make out with him in front of his family and friends to "show them", set him up in my house, be available to his every bizarre whim, quit my job, put him through school and teach him how to be a man.

Soon, the extreme emotional dysregulation with off the charts mood swings began to manifest. He would be in this nauseating lovey dovey mood, reading me love poems and giggling like a 12 year old girl. When I would deflect, or if I even dared to speak to another guy in his presence, he would flip his cookies. He would go from the pukeable lovey dovey to a screaming, cursing rantfest in seconds, calling me a b***, sl** or wh***. He would then try to intimidate me into compliance with his demands by punching walls, breaking things, threatening self harm, etc. On one occasion overnight when I left him after his latest crisis, he sent me a video of himself beating one of his guitars on the ground for around half an hour, it being just shards of wood and plastic for most of it, him screaming, "You did this! You did this! Not me!" This would be followed by sobbing, bawling, weeping, begging and sham remorse for his actions. Since I stopped contact with him I have hundreds of sob videos stored. He would then return to lovey dovey within an hour. It was exhausting.

I went from kind, patient and nurturing to sarcastic, rude and demeaning in the span of a couple of months. Before I knew it was BPD, I would provoke him by being friendly with guys in front of him and called him backwards and regressive. I told him, "Bro, you got no game" or "I'm so far out of your league I may as well be on Venus." It finally blew up about three weeks ago and I stopped contact with him. Blocking him didn't work. He just created different accounts. I let my voice mail fill up, which happened in a day. I went to the police and they said that he never directly threatened me. They spoke to him once, but it didn't slow him down. I get hundreds of texts and emails per day, interspersed with screaming/sobbing/giggling/selfie porn videos. He shrieks how I have been disobedient to him and that I need to submit to his will. He has approached his former friends who I'm still friendly with to intervene on his behalf. I'm thankful that he lives just far enough away that he can't make it on his rusty, rickety bicycle. Like you, my stalker should probably more afraid of me physically, but I never let my guard down.

I absolutely feel and empathize with you. Like I said, I got a chill just reading your story. I would certainly keep any correspondence between you that shows her pattern of behavior. I keep all of the texts, emails and videos. I know it's a pain, but I also document the unstable and violent behavior, time, date, place should I need to go to court for a TRO. I also have witnesses. The group of friends that we are/were a part of have all seen it and experienced his behavior as well. Like you, I'm not engaging and hoping that the star implodes or goes supernova somewhere else. It's been three weeks and stalker is not losing steam. Like you, this is life altering and it affects my behavior, my thinking and has negatively impacted the lives of those around me. It's awful to think about but we have to accept a new reality in our lives that has forever been changed by one obsessed person.

I wish you the best and my hopes are with you.

Alice