Hello OCDvictim: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central.

Since you mentioned your relationship with your ex, the Relationships & Communication forum, here on PC, may be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

Here are links to a selection of 14 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that touch upon some of the things you mentioned in your post:

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) | Psych Central

Am I a Monster? Common Features of Pedophilia OCD

Coping with Obsessive Thoughts

7 Ways to Stop Obsessing

https://psychcentral.com/blog/some-i...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...sive-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-ways...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/dbt/2...sive-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/erp-the...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...elf-regularly/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-and-helpless/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/breaki...ds-of-badness/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...ing-mechanism/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...dium=popular17

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.