No therapist nor I have figured out what is really wrong with me. The bottom line is, it’s emotional.

While I do meet some criteria for many diagnoses (they overlap!), I do not meet all criteria. Those traits I do have that are fairly mild as stated on the criteria list.

The ‘toxic’ behavior I am doing has been very specific and the only thing that has given me this severe anxiety and depression. I am not alone in this behavior, I have an angry and sad reaction to my husband’s actions and lack of actions that make me feel neglected and mismatched.

Yes, there have been some fallouts with close ‘loving’ others, but those situations have resolved and I accept them. I think I handled them the best I could and those people’s behavior were outrageous (not mine!).

Otherwise, I’m pretty lazy and allowed to be. I barely work or leave the house because I have the luxury of being able to spend very little, so I need to do very little. I always take care of my family and home. I care for my very difficult mother to an acceptable degree at this stage where I have to keep a safe distance while still keeping a bit close.

I have a few good friends and we get along great. No issues there.

So I don’t know what’s really wrong with me, and a psychiatrist I now go to gave me serious psych meds (for anxiety and depression). They really aren’t helping much as I had a bad reaction to husband’s usual way last night and again this morning. But, they may help in that I don’t get very angry and I only cry for a short while.

I’m mortified that I cry nearly every day. I hide it from others, but husband knows, and he has always continued to do what I have asked him thousands of times not to do.