I think you realize most of your issues because you have been self reflecting for so long. One of your issues (and perhaps your husband's?) might be rejection issues (self love and acceptance) that operate in our subconscious. I am sorry about your sadness. Sometimes I get OCD thoughts about things that aren't even the real root of my problems. (My medication does help me with this and when I recognize that sort of thing rearing up in my behavior, I do take it for that plus I ask for help with it through prayer.) Do you think that you rethink about things that bother you to a greater extent than warranted.? When I do this, this issue is either rejection or anxiety (fear, lack of security) and the OCD is a coping mechanism for trying to control things that are not in my control. As far as wanting to make a contribution goes, maybe you have to heal this and how you feel about your husband first. Also, during these strange times, it is hard to know what "cause" to adopt. Perhaps these times call for patience and flexibility. Things we were able to do two months ago are now unavailable. Lately, I have slowly (one or two things at a time so I don't hoard) been stock my pantry just in case food is needed later. I am trying to just wait and see what new world emerges on the other side of this.