After years of being in the dark, my mother told me that there actually is a family history of bipolar. Some of my relatives that I suspected have it do in fact have it. This kind of blew my mind because I had been questioning my diagnosis so much based on that. Now it's all starting to make sense. My aunt and cousin have gone through some serious mental health difficulties that I attributed to the BPD which also is common in my family. I was told my aunt had a bit of a psychotic episode when she was in high school. I should've figured it out then.

Having this knowledge may finally allow me to stop questioning everything and put that energy to better use somewhere else, though I doubt it's going to be that simple. I don't think there's anything a doctor could say that would convince me I actually have bipolar. I think they're all wrong.