Quote:
Originally Posted by TunedOut
I think you realize most of your issues because you have been self reflecting for so long. One of your issues (and perhaps your husband's?) might be rejection issues (self love and acceptance) that operate in our subconscious. I am sorry about your sadness.  Sometimes I get OCD thoughts about things that aren't even the real root of my problems. (My medication does help me with this and when I recognize that sort of thing rearing up in my behavior, I do take it for that plus I ask for help with it through prayer.) Do you think that you rethink about things that bother you to a greater extent than warranted.? When I do this, this issue is either rejection or anxiety (fear, lack of security) and the OCD is a coping mechanism for trying to control things that are not in my control. As far as wanting to make a contribution goes, maybe you have to heal this and how you feel about your husband first. Also, during these strange times, it is hard to know what "cause" to adopt. Perhaps these times call for patience and flexibility. Things we were able to do two months ago are now unavailable. Lately, I have slowly (one or two things at a time so I don't hoard) been stock my pantry just in case food is needed later. I am trying to just wait and see what new world emerges on the other side of this. |
Yes, we just went and bought some meat as they say there’s going to be a shortage. We have a dozen rolls of TP and have never again seen any in the stores. We are using it sparingly. “Can you spare a square?” Lol. I think some people really have none. Are they rinsing off with their hoses?
We’ve been very blessed to be able to buy groceries and haven’t had to line up with the car for hours for a box of food. But I do worry about what may happen.
I have reflected on everything for a long time. I do have disorder traits.
My husband and I aren’t going to fix this issue because it’s gone on way too long. You’re right. It’s a feeling of rejection. It’’s a feeling of zero chemistry and I feel he acts like he’s doing me a favor, instead how I want him to act like he really desires and LIKES me.
Of course, after the hateful things I said to him, I don’t blame him for not liking me. I screwed this whole marriage up. I wish I could stop and just be what he wants me to be (to go along with him), but I am just too triggered about it. So now my best bet is to try to shut my mouth and distract myself.
That’s why I post here a lot...nerves, distraction.
Do I think I obsess more than is warranted? No, I don’t. The things that happened are hugely traumatic and I need to keep thinking about them from all different angles. That is my way to try to move forward.
I was able to just act like my son’s wedding nightmare didn’t happen and we casually talk to him. Of course, we’ll never forget how he cut us straight through the heart. Who could?
I realize my sister has worse emotional issues than I do by the way she acted toward me, never contacting me again and writing me off like that. So I just excuse her and try to feel sorry for her. Still, we don’t talk beyond a facebook birthday post.
To obsess about my husband, who has this ongoing issue with me all the time, and it’s never going to stop nor end. Well, who could stop thinking about a trauma that never stops?
And I don’t think all these meds are working either. I have another appointment in three months.
