Sorry, I wasn't clear. I can "absolutely" relate with you.

When I was a young child, the 2 family counseling sessions we ever had consisted of my mother and sister arguing throughout.. without resolution.

Growing up, we were expected to work through various scenarios (trauma) alone. My sisters and I didn't even speak amongst each other, as if nothing happened at all.

My school counselor never pulled me aside to "check in", even though my sister's counselors had and were aware of at least a couple of family incidences. I dealt with everything silently, for the most part.

I confided in a "friend" who ended up using it as gossip stories behind my back, which severed our trust and friendship. I opened up to an ex who used the information against me. I opened up to my current partner, who turns out, exhibits a lot of similar characteristics.

As an adult, I can't rely on extended family because they're all warped into the family dynamics, and because I chose to step away, I'm deemed to be the A-hole. My mother is most likely NDP (in my head) and therefore, "unavailable". My sisters and I are all estranged from each other.

I suspect my partner's family believes his campaign smearing (to an extent) and are guarded with me, despite his past, prior to me (blood is truly thicker than water).

So, I currently have ONE friend I can speak to ATM who has been supportive.. but because I don't want to burden her with my life stories, I keep a lot of it quiet. It's about give and take. She's not my counselor.

I went to a counselor who, instantly, wanted me to work through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.. day one. Once again, I felt my story.. my trauma.. my understanding.. was to be kept to myself.

Our couple's counselor was GREAT but fired us, as she felt individual counseling was best for us. I don't think she supported our relationship, due to the behaviours I had concerns with, in which he admitted to.

For the most part, I've learned that people don't want to know. They want to maintain superficial conversations about themselves, their weekend get-away, and hobbies..

There's clearly something wrong with me because I often find we live in a Facebook Bubble where authenticity doesn't exist.. a helping hand is paired with motive.. and status is top on the priority list.

Sorry for the long winded response. Yes, I can absolutely understand your pain.. which is what brings us here.

Hugs to you!