Your wife honestly sounds very needy, whiny, selfish and demanding. Sorry, but that’s what I see in your details and story. This is an unequal relationship where her needs matter most and take priority and where none of your own needs matter to her or have any priority to her. That’s why I say she is selfish and why things are not equal in your relationship. If that were me, I would leave and would not put up with that. The only real solution may be to see a couples counselor, if you want to try and change things for the better. But she needs to know and realize there’s a huge imbalance here and that she demands all the attention. It’s not fair or right that even your sexual needs are not met, and that she doesn’t seem to even care. But then she’s hurt by you using porn? She can’t have it both ways. If she’s not satisfying you, naturally you may turn to other means. Im actually surprised you haven’t cheated. You must have strong morals, and perhaps even strong love for her still. That’s a sure recipe for someone to cheat. Not that I condone it, just saying it would be understandable in your situation.

Hugs to you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds very frustrating. But good for you for pulling back and for taking care of yourself. I commend you.