I want to say that this sounds like a one-sided relationship. I get her anxiety and depression which, I'm sure, can be debilitating. What stands out to me though is her willingness to receive affection "her" way and that's it. Also, telling you her erotic dreams are "enough" for "her" but won't allow you to watch porn. Sex is a need.
She sounds asexual to me, which is fine, but she's married to someone who clearly needs physical and sexual contact. You should not be expected to suppress that, 100%. Either have sex with your wife, watch porn as much as you need, or find sex elsewhere. Ask her to choose which one she feels most comfortable with.
Will she be open to allowing you to have a side sexual partner? If not, will porn even be enough for you?
Don't feel guilty.
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