First of all im very depressed in past weeks since this pandemic began and I have nothing to do to keep my mind busy.


Since break up, I really started to hate myself for who i've become. How life shaped me. How little i've accomplished. Many people at my age have stable work, finished school, family, kids, cars, house, just a normal life.

It really hurts me that I have non of that. I had a part of it for past 2 years and now i dont have anything. It hurts so bad. Im crying all afternoon because thoguhts are eating me alive.


As my stepfather was recenlty talking about his mom that she was very picky during her life and now she has no friends and shes going crazy being alone. He's tired of her calling him few times a day. It got to me somehow that my life will look exactly the same. Without stable ground, without people I can trust and get help from. Its really scary and I never thought I would worry about it.


The one and the biggest trouble is lack of being able to talk about anything. This creates all issues that go along with it. Im scared to call anywhere, get a driver license, to pickup phone calls, to do any errands, to have freinds etc. It all comes down to emptiness inside my head. I see people joking, hanging out, being happy and I dont understand it. I didnt question that for years and now its hitting me with huge strength.