He mentioned emotional intelligence today and that he was looking into that. I'm not sure what it is with him - it seems to be not just empathy and emotional understanding but his understanding in general I think? It's like he sees something but cannot understand it (he can only acknowledge the outside). He knows he has to do something but doesn't necessarily know or get why.. he can follow instructions from others, kind of (if it's described in great detail and reminded to him) but does it to please or to fulfill a task, but doesn't know what the purpose is? Like I feel I am an item on his to do list. His care for me. I have to ask and ask. It causes me to feel unimportant and insignificant.

In a way, it's caused me to not know if I can truly believe what he says. He says he cares for me, but it's difficult for me to believe it, or if he knows what that means. He says stuff, but I think they're just words to him. Mimicry. How can I believe what he doesn't show or what I don't feel in this life he and I have created? It's so frustrating.

He and I are just about opposites (in many ways). I don't know what allows a relationship to be successful. And it's hard with this, because it's an 8 year relationship.. I've invested A LOT of myself and my energy..

And I know I want to get married someday, or I did once upon a time, but I've lost hope in love I think..

It's so exhausting.