Im really dumbfounded by these replies. Im shocked.

Ive really torn myself up for a lot of years that I wasnt good enough. I felt really guilty posting this today as it felt unfair to her. She is mentally and physically sick. I do believe she gives us 100 per cent of what she can give. I do believe in sickness and health because health can turn instantly for anyone. I do belive death do us part.

But, Id like a little appreciation, and a lot less anger from her. Im tired of the anger. Im especially tired that ultimately any argument can be deflected until she can route it to my past porn use, 8 years later. Porn use, infidelity, is the ultimate fault, Ive done it and she hasnt, so I owe her.

Ive been in individual counselling for a year.

It was a porn use couples counselor who gave me the warning 8 years ago.

If you grow up in an alcoholic home you carry that sense of responsibility, and work ethic, and a fear of losing people close to you. I am thankful my parents are well now, that amends are made, and I still have them, that we've had time for that.

You also dont drink or do drugs because youve seen it too close.

Ive also never had anyone else validate that sex and affection are a need until today. My wife has said for years they arent.

When Ive said, what am I supposed to do if these arent met, her reply was "go without Because you never go outside the marriage to have needs met."

So, I have tried for a long time to get things right enough that she will want me.

Ive said, Im a good provider, good parent, and involved Dad. Her reply was that what I do for the kids is for the kids, not for her. So.. Ive kept trying for her.

Thank you for these comments and validation. Im not used to them.

Again, things that are just simply true, and never spoken about to anyone...

She had a reaction to medication not long ago and collapsed. I kept the kids in the game room, occupied, while I cleared her air way, carried her to bed, checked vitals, and called 911.

Ive also saved one of our kids from drowning during a beach vacation. Literally, swept into deep water, and I got him back. Second kid rushed in to help, got in trouble, and I got him too.

Twice we had a kid with long term health problems, years apart, and I took extended leave from work to look after him.

Those things dont get you points or make you more attractive, according to my wife. They are just the right thing to do.

So... I help with homework, bring coffee and wine, and make meals she likes, and put aside one night a week for dating, just us, as well as numerous short day time coffee dates.

Im done. Im waiting to see what happens.

RDM