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Old May 03, 2020, 01:54 PM
RDMercer RDMercer is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2013
Posts: 1,043
Thanks Open Eyes.

You really nailed a lot of points.

She lived in a narcissistic borderline home. I saw it. Its real. She has been in counselling for ptsd for years.

The lies told about her tore all her extended family away from her until she went no contact.

She has worried about me saying too much to family and friends about anything with her, because it is triggering if her ptsd, having had lies told about her for years. So... Distance from everyone.

Me and the kids are all she has. She has given up a career to be home, then illness stole her prior two atrempts at school from her.

She has said, some days all she can do is not be in bed. Just get dressed and showered and join us.

If you know this type of physical and mental illness, you know having someone finding fault with you is crushing. You know, someone being upbeat with you and kind and engaging is needed.

Right now though, I go, what am I receiving? Theres no sex, no affection (never was much), no moral support, no understanding, little daily help, and a LOT of anger, and righteous anger, and threats to leave, or threats to make me live in the basement. I dont have to say or do anything much before it snowballs to that degree.

My work requires me to travel a couple of overnight trips a season. Ive preferred to drive the 12 hours round trip in a day instead of staying overnight. EVERY overnight trip has resulted in angry phone calls because she is so exhausted and alone, and they culminate with my past porn viewing, and a request for divorce. So, I put in 19 hour days those days instead.

The anger is about anything. We had sex a couple of times this year. The problem? It was really good. Obviously I must have learned it from someone, or been watching porn again, because the sex was good. So which is it.

Im tired.

This has been easier lately and more peaceful. Ive stopped wanting or expecting affection from her, Ive stopped looking to her for validation. My times alone have been good. Im doing more of what I enjoy.

Im going to start phoning family and friends more too.

RDM
Hugs from:
Bill3, divine1966, Open Eyes
Thanks for this!
Bill3, Open Eyes