Hello Hopefulforhim: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central

At the end of your post you wrote: "At this point I wonder why I love him the way I do regardless of everything? What is wrong with me? I believe I will not survive this divorce." I don't have the answers to this you are seeking. I think you are the only one who can figure this out. And the way to do that, I would imagine, would be with the help of a skilled mental health therapist. (Perhaps other PC members will have some insights they'll wish to share.)

One concept that occurs to me reading your post is that of codependency. Perhaps you're familiar with it? I suppose there could be an element of self-esteem involved here as well. And there are probably other concepts I'm not thinking about. These are simply guesses on my part. I'm not a mental health professional. Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of codependent relationships plus links to 2 articles on self-esteem:

Symptoms of Codependency

10 Warning Signs You're In a Codependent Relationship

Why It's So Hard to End a Codependent Relationship

How to Reclaim Your Self-Confidence in Codependent Relationships

6 Tips to Improve Your Self-Esteem

https://psychcentral.com/lib/women-and-self-esteem/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.