Wow, I can really relate with your wife in this. I, It's a heavy weight.. paralyzing.. and I often feel completely unsafe because I don't trust what my partner passes on to others.

Having said that, I choose to make myself a responsible parent and put aside my pain to bring happiness to our children. Dad does the same (thankfully). It's an equal partnership. He says I'm a "really strong" person but I believe it's a "want" for the better of the kids. It's not perfect.

I'm thinking the porn issue isn't about porn itself but about trust. She's felt so betrayed that this single act from you pushed her over the edge. I'm not certain you'll ever be able to fix this to her comfort level.

I really feel for her, too, and remember, she is one member of the family. You can't erase her past or take away her physical ailments.. let alone, her PTSD, depression, and anxiety. You have yourself and your children's health to consider, as well.

I think your approach now is the right approach. You can't continue carrying her burden. Let it go. I wonder if there's been a bit of (unintentional) enabling? She hasn't had to rise to the occasion because you've taken everything on, yourself.

I think she'll have to hit rock bottom before she can realize she's contributing to this toxic lifestyle. Continue as you are and love her enough to let her fall and pick herself up. She'll gain strength in that and so will you. She can't hide behind you forever.