Hello Movergirl: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. Since this is your first post... welcome to Psych Central

I'm sorry you find yourself in this most difficult position. I'm afraid there isn't a lot I can offer in the way of guidance & suggestions. To me it sounds as though the writing may be on the wall, so to speak. Nothing of any significant consequence may be likely to change going forward. And if that is the case then what you are, perhaps, left with is deciding where to go from here.

Here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help with putting the situation you're in into some perspective. Included is a link to a podcast on the subject of toxic relationships plus a link to a blog, here on PC, that addresses a variety of same-sex relationship topics:

You Can Only Change Yourself

Stop Trying to Change People Who Don't Want to Change

Rescuing, Resenting, and Regretting: A Codependent Pattern

How to Let Go When Your Partner Refuses to Change

11 Signs of a Toxic Relationship | The Exhausted Woman

https://psychcentral.com/blog/you-de...-relationship/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcas...relationships/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/hear-me-out/page/3/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.