Ok...
I know the porn and lying was wrong. Like I said, I was shocked how damaging it was to her.
Eight years later, it is still the only thing that matters.
Saving her life, saving a kid's life, literally tending to her daily for years while very sick, and raising the kids, and carrying the financial load.... Those things dont give me worth. I am a terrible husband and partner.
I think to someone else those things would be valued in a partner.
Im going to say this carefully.... Deep anxiety and depression and pain must limit someones scope, their range. I dont think she is narcissistic. I do think she is unable to see past herself at times because she is so absorbed in her pain. That, and pain, makes for defensiveness... Thats what I think Im seeing.
Im tired of not being good enough.
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