The problem is I dont have thoughts being created in my brain.

I used to fake having a phone call while being at school so nobody was talking to me, I used to do the same when my manager at work was standing next to the entrance so I didnt have to say anything. If I leave an apartment and I hear someone coming or leaving their apartment I wait for them to go..

I even asked few weeks back a guy at one restaurant how is he doing because I went to pick up a food and he started talking and I felt like I have no idea what is he talking about and I didnt know what to respond or what to add to it. It was horrible from my point of view.
I know from your point of view thats what has to be done which is getting out of comfort zone by doing this and that but for me its like a wall that I cant go above.


My eyes hurt from crying non stop, I keep breaking down the more I think how much I missed out in life and every other day is the same.

Fact alone that 5 days ago was anniversary when we moved with my ex to this apartment 2 years ago causes so much emotional pain. I still live with thoughts what could I do to avoid this break up. What could I do differently to make this work. What would it be now. This unknown and memories of our beginnings in 2017 around this time make me cry so much. This summer vibes are just so bad for me right now.