Ok...

I know the porn and lying was wrong. Like I said, I was shocked how damaging it was to her.

Eight years later, it is still the only thing that matters.

Saving her life, saving a kid's life, literally tending to her daily for years while very sick, and raising the kids, and carrying the financial load.... Those things dont give me worth. I am a terrible husband and partner.

I think to someone else those things would be valued in a partner.

Im going to say this carefully.... Deep anxiety and depression and pain must limit someones scope, their range. I dont think she is narcissistic. I do think she is unable to see past herself at times because she is so absorbed in her pain. That, and pain, makes for defensiveness... Thats what I think Im seeing.

Im tired of not being good enough.