Hi Angie:
Well, I'm hoping it works out for you. I know what you mean about giving up, but not from personal experience. I'm on this board because my boyfriend (of 3 years) has been pretty severely depressed since last November, mostly because his work and educational history was spotty for the prior few years. Now, he hasn't worked since April, and doesn't even really look for jobs. He has applied for two jobs (one rejected him already - still waiting about the other), but only when I have threatened to kick him out (which believe me, I do NOT want to do, but I can't support him forever!) and then took him over to the computer, entered search criteria, hit the Apply button for him, and then took dictation for his cover letter and resume.

It's your post and I don't want to hog it up -- but I'd welcome advice from any of you about this issue. My boyfriend says that if he has a job, he won't be depressed anymore -- yet, he's too depressed to look for a job and face the possible rejection. He doesn't feel that he is in the least bit marketable (which is not entirely wrong, I have to admit), but he won't put himself out there and do the things that most people would do to improve their resume -- such as taking classes, doing volunteer work, asking for internships or apprenticeships, etc. I keep wanting to say "if I were you, I'd...", but I know that it doesn't help - I'm not him and I don't know what it's like to be so depressed that I cannot function. I can't relate to that, and it pains me so much to see him like this.

He's feeling much better now that he's on medication, but he still won't look for a job. I do understand his fear - but I don't know how I should deal with it -- it causes big problems in our relationship, as you can imagine. This has been going on for most of our relationship, and although we love each other tremendously, the resentment is always underlying. He resents me for nagging him (and I believe for kind of showing him up, although I certainly don't do so intentionally), and I resent him for not trying and allowing himself to be dependent on me. It would be really simple if we didn't live together - I wouldn't feel the obligation - but I am commited to him and really don't want him to leave - I just want him to pull his own weight with regard to working. I'm tired of doing it all myself.

Any suggestions? Feedback? Insight?

Ian is going to be a-ok!