I began therapy in mid 2018.

In late 2017, I had been put down so regularly for prior porn viewing and threatened with divorce so much that I was in a very, very, very low state of mind. Struggling to find reason to continue.

I asked for a seperation after several days of being berated.

She has never forgotten that I asked for that. Her doing it every few weeks didnt matter as much as me doing it once, because I meant it, and she was only trying to hurt me, she has said.

It happens throughout the night, or she phones me at work. Not directly in front of the kids, but they know, and they hear, they have to.

She can remain angry for days on a single topic. Some things remain for years.

I had knowledge back about 5 years ago of a woman in another dept who was being mistreated at work and also held back for promotion due to gender. I saw it. I reported it. She was promoted, and moved on from our workplace. I had no contact with her before or since. I told my wife about it. She continues to bring up how I had to be the hero for another woman.

No one else at work knows what I did. There was no glory.

Ive been rebuilding my esteem.

Im a designated workplace mentor in a construction environment. People matter to me. Development of the person matters to me. My kids get a lot of hands on time doing things with me. I do a lot to maintain and renovate our home and loik after our vehicles, often with the kids around.

Through all this, Ive still gotten promotions year after year at work.

This stuff is all just true. There has to be some worth in me. I cant be worth nothing because I looked at porn while in a marriage that had years of no contact. That cant be the only measure of me as a person.

I would not hold someone to these standards.